The person sitting across from you is not you.

This is a 5-minute read on us humans in a tumultuous state of history.

I never write on social justice. I suppose I'm too scared to offend. Too scared of being wrong - misinformed in some way. Too scared to take a stance. Too scared that I will misspeak.

But I'm not too scared to talk about how people learn. I know that, and I know how we can come together.

My nation - the United States - is embroiled in a battle. People are angry. We are staring down our history of inequality, emulated in the act of the murder-during-arrest of George Floyd. Another recent reminder that our country hasn’t quite figured out the balance of policing minority groups. And the pitchforks have come out for the police. The answer, of course, is not what the loudest are shouting for.

Mind you, all this is happening in the midst of a world-impacting virus. Almost everyone is at home, minds racing in the echo chambers of scary news via an abundance of feeds. (Too) many are taking an absolute stance. Too many are picking a side and battening down the hatches.

This is bubbling up to another inflection point, smack dab in the midst of tail risk. Anything could go.

And now I know that merely knowing that makes it my duty to write. I write in hope that you can help me and everyone else around us change our behavior.

This is not a message about sides, because sides are wrong. Absolutes can not reflect the nuance that is a single person's experience. Further, who are we to say we can understand that? Have we become mindreaders overnight? Can someone forward me the software?

So here goes. These are the only words that I can share to change the collective consciousness.

//

A note to self.

It's on you, because you, too, are a human.

It doesn't matter that you don't know how it feels to be discriminated against. Nope. It doesn't matter that this doesn't personally impact you if you choose to avoid it.

It's on you, because the people affected are human.

It's on you, because you've been given things, and you know how good it feels to get what you want.

It's on you, because you understand how humans learn, how they think, and how they rationalize. It's on you because you know how people embed beliefs because of their experiences.

And that means you need to remind yourself to ask questions.

You don't know what it feels like to be a young black man. You don't know what it feels like to be an old white woman. You don't know what it feels like to be one of the many different human police officers. You don't know what it feels like to be anyone but yourself.

And honestly, you have been so fortunate to live in a young white man's shoes through your entire life. Now, you must try and help bring people together to solve the education problem.

//

A note to the world.

When I was a young brat, I got myself into a fair amount of trouble. I caused a lot of mischief, mostly with people's property.

I was kind of a bad boy, basically. But, I kept getting away with things. I would be very mildly punished by law enforcement and then allowed to go on. The real punishment was the disappointment I caused my parents. At that stage, I was too undeveloped to understand the trouble I was causing, so I didn't quite care myself.

Eventually I grew out of that. I grew up. I educated myself, I tried to rectify the wrongs, and I began seeing just how lucky I was.

One day I was driving a normal route - Chicago south to my hometown in northwest Indiana. Over the years I've taken the shortcut through Stony Island Blvd, a poor area on the south side of Chicago. It's at the midpoint of a 75-minute drive, right when I can settle into the flow of my own thoughts behind the wheel.

This day was a bit different. I was emotional already, heading down to the funeral of my godfather. The jolly German-American who liked to sit at the picnic table, soak up nature, and talk had a big impact on my life. So when I stopped at 87th and Stony, my mind was floating.

And then I saw a picture of myself - a young black man at the corner, trying to make a few bucks selling socks.

In another life, that could have been me. Imagine that guy had made the mistake I made. A moderate fuck-up - someone who had made a mistake or two growing up, but not a bad person. A person who didn't quite know what to make of themselves - who hadn't been taught the ways of the world.

In all likelihood, he did not even put himself into the trouble situations I did. Even if he did, imagine being relegated to a corner to make money because you got yourself in trouble growing up. Instead, I get to make games for a living, in the comfort of my own home.

In my case, I had three chances. In his, would there even be a second? Based on the stories I have heard and seen, I doubt it.

And yet, this does not mean that we should let people off the hook for crimes. We must uphold justice in our nation in a balanced manner. Punish to the level deserved, educate on the errors, and provide an opportunity to recover. I was fortunate to be given a chance to rectify things, to grow up, to learn about my impact on the world.

And now, I can communicate that I surely don't know what it's like to be the young man on the corner in Stony Island. None of us can. Not even some of his peers. Only he can.

And that means we must seek to understand his viewpoint. We must seek to understand the viewpoint of the frustrated police officer, the young punk who feels he knows best, and the angry Klansman.

This will take the utmost discipline and patience. This will be damn near impossible to the untrained human. How do you react when being verbally attacked by a stranger?

//

This is needed, because the reality is: we have all had different experiences. Every one of us has grown up somewhere different than the next person. Whether it's been under fear (of police or change), joy, sadness, wealth, or the myriad of experiences in between.

The person sitting across from you is not you.

Thus, there is no way you can possibly understand what has made up their picture of the world.

So, we must ask. We must seek first to understand where they come from.

The angriest of us need to do this most, but it will take the most balanced of us to make it happen. We must try to understand how they got to their present state, so we can better understand ourselves. Then, and only then, can we share our own viewpoints.

And that, my friends, is our duty.

//

So, I've been practicing. I called some friends with viewpoints that differ from my own. I asked them how they felt about the current state of protests and societal unrest.

And I had to say things like, 'Interesting. What makes you say that?'

And I learned some things. I learned that some people have not yet stepped out of their bubbles. I learned that others had seen things happen to their friends. I learned that others had scared family members in the police. I learned that everyone sees things differently because of their own experiences. Right or wrong, this is fact.

And then I got to share a few things that I have learned.

I have learned that there is no way we can understand what it's like to be anyone but ourselves.

I have learned that I do not have the full picture.

I have learned that our institutions in media and government are not trying to solve this problem, but instead to sell views and form sides.

I have learned that is my responsibility to try and help them see the same.

And I have learned it's hard, and I'm not even going through the real pain. I can't possibly imagine what it's like. Nor will I ever.

So, it's on me. It's on you. It's on us.

We will have to learn - continually - how to resolve this societal rift. We have to. 

Be good to each other. Seek first to understand. Then seek to bring us together.

Love,

Bren